


Did She Know?

by blue_pointer



Series: The Space Between [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Peggy Carter, Canon Compliant, Captain America: The First Avenger, Depressed Bucky Barnes, First Dates, Language, London, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, espionage fail, lost scenes, space between
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9669326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: After Peggy tells Bucky to stop holding Steve back, he makes himself scarce, much to Steve's confusion. Trying to find out what Peggy said to Bucky, Steve finds himself on a first date. It doesn't go so well. When Steve has almost given up hope of finding Bucky before Thanksgiving, he reappears in a dramatic way. And it's Steve's turn to take care of Bucky for a change.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place just before the first London scene we see in the film. Apparently, Peggy's shooting of Steve in Howard's lab was just an escalation of an earlier incident. 
> 
> If you haven't read the [first arc](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7135019/chapters/16200503) of The Space Between, this might make no sense to you.

The Bucky who came out of Peggy’s office was a totally different guy from the one who’d gone in at Steve’s side just minutes ago. This Bucky’s shoulders drooped, his back was slumped, and he looked subdued. Defeated. Like an old dog about to lie down in the road and die. Steve rushed forward and asked, voice low, “What’d she say?” Because it must have been something heinous to make Bucky look like that. 

Bucky looked lost for a moment, forlorn, then shook his head. “She just knew it was me that started the fight.”

“She just raked you over the coals extra-good?” he asked. Steve hoped so, because it seemed like more. Seemed like worse.

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, but he wouldn’t look at him. That’s when Steve knew he was lying.

“Well, whatever, pal.” He slung his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, but his best friend ducked out, moved away. Steve tried not to be hurt. Something was going on, for sure. “What’s wrong, Buck?”

He looked irritated, on edge. But the edge of what? “Just...don’t do that, Steve. Okay? You’re an officer. We’re back at HQ. Act like one.”

_ Now _ Steve was hurt. “So officers ain’t allowed to have pals?”

Bucky sighed, and Steve could have sworn there was a stutter in his chest when he did. “Not...lower ranking soldiers they treat all buddy-buddy during on-duty hours.”

“Come on, Buck.” Steve tried to smile. “We ain’t even been assigned duties yet.”

“Yeah. We’d better go get our assignments.” Bucky passed by him without a second glance. He was avoiding eye contact on purpose, had to be. But why? He’d get it out of Bucky eventually. He would.

When they got their assignments, Steve found he had his own quarters--officer’s digs, in the fancy wing of the complex, upstairs. It was just a room with a window, but it was luxurious compared with the barracks overcrowded with bunks Bucky was supposed to sleep in. Still, Steve wasn’t worried. Of course Bucky would be sleeping in his room. They’d practically been planning it the whole way here from Italy.

But when he’d gone to find Bucky to show him his quarters, his best pal had disappeared on him. Steve looked everywhere. Asked everyone he saw. He combed the barracks, and finally found his bag, but no Bucky. He missed dinner looking for him. Then Steve was  _ really _ mad. Someone suggested he try the bar down the street where the army men liked to hang out after hours. Steve found Jacques and Gabe there, but no Bucky.

“Are you kiddin’ me?” Gabe said, racking the poker chips over to his side of the table. “That guy ditched us for the high life. I saw him getting into that fancy-ass car with Falsworth an hour ago.”

“What?” Dernier had some rated-R guesses for what Bucky and Monty were doing in his ritzy townhome without the rest of them. “But that don’t make sense. We just got here,” Steve said.  

Gabe shrugged. “Don’t shoot the messenger, man. You want in?” They were getting ready to start another round.

“No thanks.” Steve was too upset to be sociable. What the hell was going on? He grabbed a pint and sat down at the bar to think. It was true, Falsworth had offered Bucky a place if he needed it. Had he run into Phillips? Had the MPs shown up? No way, Peggy had said she was going to take care of that. So what else could have driven him over to Monty’s without telling Steve first? It wasn’t an affair. Paranoid as Steve was, they’d spent the last week together non-stop. Steve knew Bucky hadn’t spent that entire time just pining for Falsworth, waiting for an opportunity to be alone with him. He knew that much of Bucky’s heart after spending every waking hour with him recently. So, what? What was it? Who or what was he trying to avoid? Not him. Could it be him? No. Why?

There was only one person Steve could think of who knew the answer.

Maybe it wasn’t right for a man to be in the women’s barracks this late, but Steve couldn’t wait. Even Peggy looked surprised when she cracked the door to her room open. Then she looked less surprised. She knew. She knew why he was here. Steve could feel it. “Agent Carter,” he greeted her, trying to be the model officer Bucky had told him to be.

“Captain. Surely you must know it’s rather late to be having a meeting.”

“Oh, I’m here unofficially,” he told her, smiling what he hoped was his most handsome smile. “I hope you don’t mind, Peggy. I thought we could catch up.” Well, he’d meant it to be a lie. But now Steve was kind of liking the idea of spending the evening talking with her.

She looked at him, debating. “It’s rather short notice.”

“Yeah, sorry. No phones on that darn boat.”

She gave him a look. “Well it wasn’t as though anyone forced you to travel with the men.”

“ **I** did,” Steve admitted. “I needed to stay with them. Anyway...if it’s too short notice, I understand.”

“Give me ten minutes,” she said, disappearing back into her room. Steve felt pretty proud of himself. He’d accidentally asked a woman on a date, at the last minute, and she’d said yes. Wouldn’t Buck be proud of him now? Wait--Bucky. That was the whole reason he was doing this.

When she came out, Peggy was in uniform, but it felt somehow more casual. “Should we head across the street to the bar? I missed dinner, and I’m starving.”  

“Are you asking me to come to dinner with you?” She was smiling strangely, maybe flirtatiously. Steve couldn’t be sure. If only Bucky was here to tell him. Bucky had always been able to read dames.

“If...that’s okay.” He smiled.

“I suppose I don’t mind.” But he could tell she was happy about it. She looked pretty pleased. They walked together downstairs and across the street, she holding onto his arm.

A woman was touching him. Willingly. Steve could hardly process it. In the pub, he tried to find a place at the back where they could hear one another speak. He ordered at the bar, brought them both drinks. Peggy’s was whiskey, straight up.  _ Jesus. _

“How was your flight with Stark?” he asked. Might as well start off slow.

“Brief,” she said. “You should have been with us, Steve.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s important for me to--”

“Save it,” she told him. “You’re already unnaturally attached to those companions of yours. There was no need to bond with them further. We needed you here, Steve. Plans take time, something we don’t have with Schmidt getting more powerful by the week.”

But Steve wasn’t about to take the guilt for staying with Bucky. “Hey, I’m not the only guy fightin’ this war, am I?” Steve asked. “I figure there’s a lot that can be done with the info we already have.”

“I suppose.” She leaned back, looking unhappy. “Things will go much faster now you’re here. I hope you’re ready for a meeting with the colonel at 600 hours.”

Steve nodded. “I’m ready to jump right in.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” she said, but she looked like she didn’t believe him.  

A ruddy-faced barmaid came back to give Steve a plate of beans and toast and some sort of sandwich he couldn’t quite identify. He was busy trying to quell the angry growling of his stomach, shoving the sandwich into his yap as fast as it would go, when Peggy caught him off-guard. “Why did you ask me here, Steve? Surely not to ask how I enjoyed Howard Stark’s company.”

_ No? _ Steve had briefly thought about bringing up that subject again. But without Bucky around to explain her answer to him, it might be pointless anyway. “Are you sayin’ it’s none of my business?” Okay, so maybe he was still rankled about that whole fondue confession.

“How I relate to military contractors? No, Steve. It’s not.” She said it matter-of-factly, but it felt like a slap in the face.

“Okay.” But it wasn’t okay. Steve ate the rest of his sandwich in one bite and glared moodily at his plate, because he couldn’t openly give Peggy that look. He knew she’d eat him alive.

“Unless you’d care to share how you enjoyed James Barnes’ company on the transit ship here? Tit for tat, so to speak.” Steve looked up at her in surprise. Did she know? Did she  _ know?  _ But Peggy just stared back, coolly. He couldn’t read her for a damn.

“Well.” Steve licked his lips, trying to think of what he could say. “I mean, Buck’s my best pal. We been friends since we were kids. So the trip...well, it was kinda awful. But it wasn’t Buck’s fault,” he added hurriedly, when she’d gotten a look on her face like ‘I told you so.’ Details started to pour out of Steve, whether because he was nervous or he felt the need to defend Bucky, he wasn’t sure. “I mean, first I got real seasick. Like bad. I was pukin--” Then he realized he was speaking to a lady about bodily functions like he was talking to guys in a locker room. “Uh, I mean. I could hardly move, I felt so sick. But Buck was there.” He nodded. “He knows what to do, on account of he was with me half the time I was sick as a kid.” More nodding. “He’s the best. Almost as good a nurse as--” That was where the sentence just ran off a cliff into the ocean of grief Steve carried around inside him. The ocean labeled ‘mam.’

Steve shook himself. Tried to go on. He wasn’t going to cry; he wasn’t even drunk. He raised his hand to call for another pint. Seeing him at a loss for words, Peggy came to his rescue to fill the silence. Sort of. “And so your childhood friend tended to you while you were ill. How...noble.”

“Noble?” That was a strange choice of words. She had an odd look to her. Steve wished he could read women, because it was like she was speaking a secret language, and he was lost, lost, lost. “Nah, he was just doin’ what he’s always done for me. That’s all.”

Peggy knocked back her whiskey ( _ Jesus _ ) and cleared her throat. “All the same, Steve, I’m a bit concerned about this illness you speak of. You should be immune to that sort of thing now. I think I’d like to move up your medical examination.”

“When was that scheduled for?” he asked her. He had yet to see an agenda in print anywhere.

Her eyes looked distant, as though she were reordering a schedule in her mind. “Just after we finished our meeting with the colonel, but now I might move it up to before.”

“So...600?” Steve found himself still hungry after devouring the plate of food. He wondered if that was a fish and chips cart he could smell from down the street. It was certainly something greasy and delicious.

“I’ll place some calls. Have the itinerary set by the time you wake up tomorrow.”

“So when do you sleep?” Steve asked, leaning his elbow on the table, and only realizing how forward that had sounded by the slightly appalled look on Peggy’s face.

“Whenever my duties have been fulfilled for the day,” she answered tersely. “And when I’m tired,” she added.

“You don’t sleep much?” Steve asked, resting his chin in his hand, forgetting he was a little annoyed with her for probing him about his trip here with Bucky. - _ -wait. Bucky. _

Agent Margaret Carter, the woman with a seemingly endless supply of aplomb, actually looked a teensie bit flustered by the adoring way Steve was looking at her. “I sleep as much as I need to,” she said, almost sounding defensive about it.

Steve leaned back, suddenly remembering his purpose for being here--nice as it was to finally have his first date with...well, anyone. But so much better that it was with Peggy. “Peggy, I hope--well, I’m gonna ask you somethin’, and I hope you’re not offended…”

For reasons Steve couldn’t figure, she was watching him intently, and he saw her lean ever-so-slightly toward him, like she was waiting for him to finish his sentence. Expecting him to say a certain thing. What that was, he couldn’t guess. So he just pushed on.

“Um...I wanna know what you said to Bucky--Sergeant Barnes after I left your office.”

Like an iron curtain being drawn, her expression changed, and she leaned back in her chair, turning away with what could only be described as an angry look. “Steve...did you ask me here just to find out what I said to your...friend in a private meeting, which you were intentionally not invited to attend, and therefore should have assumed was confidential between Barnes and myself?” Her lips pressed together tighter and tighter.   

Steve wasn’t sure what the right answer was, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t, “...yeah?”

The barman set a fresh pint down at Steve’s elbow, and before he could touch it, Peggy had snatched it up and flung it into his face. Steve blinked, trying to figure out what had just happened. Through the beery film, he watched Peggy stand up and grab her purse. “Good evening to you, Captain. Remember: 600 hours.” Her hyper-formal military manner was a sharp contrast against the look of rage she’d worn as she’d tossed the beer into his face. She was long-gone before Steve could think of a single thing to say. Well, so much for his plan to figure out what the hell she’d said to Buck. He tried to self-comfort with fish and chips from down the street, but though it filled his belly, it didn’t end up solving anything else.

The next couple of days were a whirlwind of meetings, doctors’ exams, war councils, intelligence briefings, and more meetings. As keepers of crucial intel, Steve saw more than a few of his comrades at some of these meetings, but there was no sign of Bucky. One early morning meeting had even included Falsworth, and Steve had tripped over himself to catch the guy afterwards to ask him about Bucky, only to get intercepted by about five officers and attaches on the way. By the time he’d gotten free, the lieutenant was nowhere to be found.

It was almost Thanksgiving, and Steve was starting to feel isolated in a sea of strangers. Sure, after the meetings and briefings and officers’ dinners were over, Steve could wander over to the bar and play a few hands of cards with the boys. But it only made him miss Bucky more. It was marginally better than the dinners, where Steve sat at a table of important people, feeling like the lone child at the grown-ups table, with Peggy pointedly ignoring the hell out of him, even when Howard Stark felt the need to point out--with a smirk, of course--that Steve had used his fish fork for his salad, “How droll, Captain. What a card.” Steve couldn’t really hate the guy as much as he’d wanted to, once. He’d blown it with Peggy all on his own. And as much of a jerk as Stark was, Steve had to remember he’d been Bucky’s hero once. That had to count for something. 

_ Bucky. _

Steve had all but resigned himself to spending his first holiday abroad without his best friend. Then, one night, he was strolling over to the bar for some camaraderie when, halfway across the street, he heard someone shouting his name. “Captain! Steve Rogers!” He turned to find Morita rushing out of the barracks, waving him down. Steve changed course to intercept him. He looked mighty worked up about somethin’.

“What is it, Jim?”

“It’s Sarge!” Morita panted. “He’s back--but something’s wrong--”

Steve didn’t even wait for him to finish before breaking into a sprint toward the barracks. “Where is he?”  

“Showers,” Morita said, pointing. He doubled over with his hands on his knees, unable to keep up with Steve after already having run however far to find him.

Steve hit the sleeping commons at a dead run, earning more than a few curious looks. “Showers?” he asked one group he was about to run past, slowing down. A couple of the men pointed him in the right direction. The water was running, so someone was definitely in there, which made sense at this time of day. But as Steve passed through the locker room, all he found were uncomfortable-looking men hurriedly getting dressed.

“Hey.” A guy Steve didn’t recognize grabbed his elbow before he entered the communal showers. “Have a heart, huh? Give him some space.” He pointed at a lone figure curled into a ball under the spray of water.

“Bucky.” Steve didn’t have to look more closely. He’d know the curve of those shoulders anywhere. Tugging loose of the man’s grip, he jogged onto the tile, heedless of the wet floor or the fact his marching boots were still on.

Bucky was sitting up, holding his knees, his body curled as tightly as it would go, his face hidden against his legs. He was under the full spray of water so hot it was steaming, and yet he was fully clothed. That had to be bad. Rivulets of water trickled down from his damp hair to disappear into his uniform shirt, which had gone nearly translucent with water. He was soaked to the bone.  

“Buck,” Steve spoke softly, kneeling down next to his best friend, almost afraid to touch him. The misery radiating from him was intense. Steve could understand why the other guys had left the showers to give him some privacy. Only because his ears were hypersensitive could Steve hear Bucky’s ragged sobs under the rush of water. They were intermittent and hoarse, exhausted to the point of no longer sounding human.

“Buck.” Steve tried again, shutting off the water before leaning close and wrapping his arms around his friend, prepared for the worst. At first, Bucky started, and Steve was sure he was going to take a flying elbow to the face. But then his body just sagged against Steve’s.

“No, Steve,” Bucky groaned as he pulled him against his chest. He didn’t seem to have the strength to resist. “No, you can’t.”

“The hell I can’t,” Steve told him, firm, getting one arm under him to pick Bucky up.

“No.” Bucky was protesting more vehemently now, starting to struggle. “Don’t carry me. Cut it out.”

Obediently, Steve set his feet back down on the ground, but he wouldn’t let Bucky go. “Come on, Buck,” he urged. “Come on, let’s get you into some dry clothes at least.”

“No, Steve.” He was trying to push himself away, but Steve was way too strong for him, and Bucky was weak as a kitten. It scared Steve.

“What happened to you?”

But Bucky just shook his head. “I can do it myself. Just go. Go.” And Steve might have considered doing what Bucky’d asked, except that he was crying again, harder than ever.

“I’m not goin’, Buck,” he told his best friend, calmly. “So you can either talk, or you can come with me and change clothes. Your choice.”

“Dammit, Steve!” Bucky sagged against him, and Steve knew he’d won. He walked Bucky over to his bunk and sat him down on it, getting into his duffle and pulling out dry clothes. The other men in the dorm were careful not to watch as Steve stripped him down and dried him off before physically putting the dry clothes on him, like dressing a toddler. Bucky made no further protest.

When he was done, Steve sat back on his heels. “Okay, Buck. You don’t gotta talk about it if you don’t want to.” Bucky just sat there, staring at the floor, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “But I’m not leavin’ you here.”

“You should go, Steve.” Bucky’s voice was so hoarse it was almost inaudible.

“No. Not without you, Buck.” Steve was not going to give an inch on this. Whatever the reason Bucky was asking him to go, he definitely wasn’t going to do it without his friend even telling him what it was.  

Bucky seemed to collapse in on himself, curling forward with his face in his hands. Steve just scooped him up and carried him out, grabbing Bucky’s bag as he went. So what if it looked kinda funny? It was nobody’s damn business, and the look on Steve’s face as he walked out of the building said so. He carried Bucky straight to his room and kicked the door shut behind them. While Steve was relieved that Bucky hadn’t protested further, he was getting concerned at how quiet his friend was being. Was he sick? Should he be going to the med wing instead of his room?

Steve laid him gently on his bed, and grabbed all of his pillows to try to prop him up. “Buck, I don’t know what to do.” With his pal unresponsive, Steve was starting to panic. “Tell me what to do.” Should he tuck him underneath the blankets? Leave him on top of the bedding? Take his shoes off? Yes, take his shoes off. While Steve worked on unlacing Bucky’s boots, he watched his friend’s face for signs of life. He was breathing, but he just lay there, staring blankly up at the ceiling. It reminded Steve of when he’d first found him in the Hydra compound.

“Dammit, Buck!” Steve jumped onto the bed and pulled him into a fierce hug. “Whatever it is, just tell me. We can get through this!” He drew back to touch Bucky’s cheek. He felt cold. Was that from the shower? “Do you need me to get a medic?”

That got a response. Bucky curled against him, sliding his arms around Steve and hiding his face in his shoulder. “Please.” The pause was so long, Steve was starting to think that was all he was going to say. Then, just as he was preparing to pick Bucky up and carry him to the med wing, he spoke again. “No more doctors.”

Steve was horrified. “Did they hurt you, Buck?” He cupped his cheek. “Those fuckers!” Steve swore passionately. “Those fuckers, don’t they know you already been above and beyond your limit of needles and X-rays from what Hydra did? Why do they gotta do it, too? Why?” He held Bucky protectively. “That’s what happened, ain’t it, Buck? They sent you for exams, but I bet yours was way worse than mine.” Bucky just hid his face in Steve’s shoulder and began to sob hoarsely again.

“Fuck those guys!” Steve was really getting worked up. “Fuck those guys, I’ll punch ‘em all out! No one hurts my Bucky! No one!”

“Steve,” Bucky whispered. “Shhhh.” He covered Steve’s lips with shaking fingers. He supposed he had been getting kinda loud. But he was on the warpath, dammit!

“No more doctors,” he told Bucky, dead-serious. “If they tell you you gotta undergo more tests, I’m leaving. I’m quittin’ the army. We’ll go back to Brooklyn. Everything’ll be fine.”

Bucky just clung to him, quiet, and Steve began to rock him. “God, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry they did that to you, and I didn’t even know.” Now Steve was starting to tear up. “It’s my job to protect you, and I didn’t even know. I’m such a shitty friend. I’m so sorry.”

Bucky looked up at him, placing a hand on either side of Steve’s face. He didn’t say anything, just leaned up to kiss his forehead. “I love you, Buck.” Steve made no move to wipe the tears rolling down his cheeks (or the snot dribbling from his nose). “I love you so much. I never want nothin’ like that to happen to you again.” He held Bucky tighter still.

“Can we just sleep, Steve? Is it okay if we just…lie here?”

“Yeah, pal. Anything you want.” Steve drew back to shed his clothes, but Bucky stopped him after his jacket.

“Can--can we leave our clothes on?” The look in his eyes just made Steve ache. He was having flashbacks to that, too?  _ God.  _ What kind of world did they live in where you couldn’t even protect your best friend from his worst nightmares? And what the hell kind of exam had it been that it had reminded Bucky of being raped?

“Sure, pal,” Steve replied gently, sliding back onto the bed. “Whatever you want, we’ll do it. Whatever helps. Just tell me what to do.”

Bucky held out his arms, and Steve wrapped him up in a hug. He threw back the blankets and tucked them both in, holding Bucky closer than close. And as the sounds of traffic outside the window ebbed a little, and he felt Bucky’s body slowly relax against him, a terrible thought occurred to Steve: Had Peggy known? Had she known about this, that they were hurting Bucky? If she’d known, and she hadn’t said anything to him...Steve was at a loss. He didn’t know what he’d do. Being forced to choose between the person you loved most in the world and the future mother of your children was a horrible thing. He almost didn’t want to know the answer.   


End file.
